Passion Is Like a Flame, It Scares Me
by IzayaOriharaTheSexyInfoBroker
Summary: Lovino had the perfect life and family, even if he always took them for granted. But one night a forgotten candle destroys everything he ever knew and loved. Feliciano was sent to live with a foster home in Germany, and Lovino was eventually sent to Spain. Will he ever be happy again? Warnings: Lemons, boyxboy, and an angry Italian.
1. Chapter 1

Heya! So, welcome to the first chapter of this story! I've already posted this on wattpad, so there will be like, four chapters up today, but not so many afterwards. It'll be kind of slow updating. It's a really sad chapter, just to warn you, but in later chapters it'll be happier. So, hope you enjoy it! Oh, and Romano would like to say something:  
She doesn't own Hetalia or me, however much she wants to!  
Me: Hey, that's mean!  
Roma: Payback's a bitch!  
Me: Bad Lovi, don't swear!  
Roma: Don't call me that, bitch!  
Me: Oh, only Spain can call you that?  
Roma: Shut up!  
Okay, on that lovely note, enjoy the story!

It's funny how one decision can change your whole life. No matter how inconsequential the decision seems, it can make your life so much better. Or in Lovino's case, it can make your life a fucking piece of your own personal hell.  
Lovino would change that one thing if he could. His mother told him. She TOLD him to remember to blow out the candle on the dining room table when he went to bed. It was one simple fucking task. But he was up too late watching a movie, and completely forgot the candle.  
One candle may have seemed inconsequential. It couldn't have burned that long, right? Eventually the wick would have burned up and it would've put itself out. Even if it had gotten knocked over, the wax would have muffled the flame, right?  
But when that damn cat knocked it over, it managed to catch the napkins scattered on the table on fire, and it spread. And it spread quickly, considering it was the middle of summer, and a drought no less, so it was as hot and dry as a fucking dessert.  
And the Vargas family had no way of knowing that the smoke detectors wouldn't work until the flames had already spread to most of the house.  
When Lovino woke up, he realized several things. One, he had fallen asleep on the couch, and the TV screen was flickering. Two, it was unbearably hot in here, and sweat was dripping down his body. Three, the flickering wasn't the TV screen. The TV had melted from the heat. The flickering was flames that were towering above Lovino's head. He was suddenly on his feet, running toward the hall where his brother's room was. When he saw that the flames blocked his way, he sprinted to the front door. He hurried along the side of his house to his brother's window. To his great relief, Feliciano was already climbing out the window, his eyes wide with terror.  
"Fratello!" he cried, tears in his eyes. "What's happening? Where are Mamma and Papà?"  
"We need to go help them," Lovino said, grabbing his brother's arm and dragging him around the side of the house. He searched his pockets real quick and found his cell phone. Thank God it hadn't fallen out in the house! He thrusted the phone out to Feliciano, saying, "Call 911, NOW!" He hoped his brother could handle the one simple task while he tried to get into his parents' room.  
He tried kicking the glass to break it, but it wouldn't even crack. Of course his parents had to install that burglar proof glass last summer. Now it might be the difference between life and death. Next Lovino tried pulling the window open, but the metal of the window frame burned him. He cried out in pain and stumbled backwards, watching in despair as the flames licked up the curtains and engulfed his parents bed. Everything seemed to slow down, and he heard sirens in the distance.  
He didn't even notice when the trucks pulled up, and the men started trying to douse the flames. He didn't realize anything until a man grabbed him under the armpits and dragged him back from the house, yelling in his ear about being close to the house was dangerous. What about their parents? Wasn't being in the house even worse? Why hadn't they come out yet?  
Suddenly, Lovino saw two stretchers being brought out to an ambulance. "Mamma?" he yelled. He started running toward the flashing lights. "Papà?"  
He was held back, and heard people yelling, "Keep the kids back, don't let them see!"  
A moment later, Lovino saw one of them shake their heads, and say softly, "It's too late. Take them to the morgue."  
Lovino's heart stopped, and he tried to break away from the men holding him back. "No!" he screamed. "Mamma, Papà!" He didn't notice the tears streaking down his cheeks, and even if he did, he didn't care. He was only fifteen. How would he live without his parents?  
He shoved the nearest guy away and yelled, "Get away from me, bastard!"  
It was all a blur after that, and after a while, Lovino ended up on the ground, his head hurting like hell, and his eyes opened wide as he looked up at the man who had smacked him.  
"I know you're upset, but pull yourself together, kid!" he yelled. "What's happened is horrible! I know that! But you're a man! Act like it! Take care of your brother!"  
Lovino swallowed hard and just nodded, going to stand next to Feliciano. He put his arm around his shoulder, and then Feli threw his arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder. "Fratello, it's horrible! What are we gonna do?"  
Lovino just shook his head. "I don't know, fratello. We'll figure something out."  
The brothers sat there, hanging onto each other, the last family that they had, until finally someone mentioned that the poor orphans needed somewhere to sleep until they could be put in the foster system. The younger one had a chance of being adopted, they said. He was cute, and he didn't seem fourteen. The older one, however, they knew he had no chance of being adopted. He was rude, surly, and had a foul mouth. He got angry far too easily, and they couldn't even see him being able to stay in one foster home for long before the guardians decided he was simply too much.  
But Lovino only paid mild attention to the rest of the conversation, because one word haunted him. He was an orphan. Orphan. Orphan. ORPHAN. ORPHAN. ORPHAN.  
The word kept repeating until he felt a hand shake his shoulder. He jumped and looked up at the woman who had tried to get his attention.  
"Sweetie, you two are going to stay at my house for tonight, until we can find foster families for you to stay with, alright?"  
Lovino just nodded numbly, and allowed himself to be led to a silver car. He sat next to Feliciano, and buckled the seatbelt automatically. Though what did it matter if he died in a crash? His life had already been destroyed.


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry, it's a short chapter, but I felt like that was where the end needed to be for this specific chapter. The next chapter will be a bit longer, I promise! Anyway, read, comment, vote! All that good stuff!

* * *

Lovino opened his eyes to see an unfamiliar ceiling, and wondered for a moment where the hell he was. When the events of the previous night came crashing back, a quiet sob escaped him. Tears streaked down his cheeks, and he curled up closer to Feliciano, who was laying next to him, looking so peaceful in his sleep.

But the peace didn't stay long. First, he began to look scared. Then he started mumbling. Then he started screaming, "Mamma, Papà!" and kicking. One kick landed in the middle of Lovino's stomach.  
He grimaced at the pain, and shook Feli's shoulder. "Fratello! Wake up!" he said quietly.  
Feliciano opened his eyes, his chest heaving. "Fratello, I had a horrible nightmare! Mamma and Papà were..." He trailed off, looking around at the unfamiliar surroundings. "It wasn't just a dream, was it?" he asked quietly. He threw his arms around Lovino, latching onto him as he cried his eyes out. Lovino just held his brother. For once, he had no mean words for the little Italian. He had already taken his family for granted once, and lost two thirds of it. He wouldn't go wrong by Feli again. He would be the nice, helpful brother he needed. Or at least, he would try to be... As long as his damn temper didn't get in the way.  
The door opened suddenly, and Lovino looked up to see the woman from before, who presumably owned the house.  
"How are you boys doing?" she asked. The sympathy and pity in her eyes instantly made Lovino angry.  
"How do you think we're doing, bitch? Our parents just died!" he yelled.  
The shock on the woman's face made Lovino feel slightly guilty. She was taking them in when they had no where else to go. But at least that damn pity was gone from her eyes.  
"We're trying to find foster homes for you two," she said, her voice now cold. "We've found a family in Germany that is willing to take Feliciano for a while, but they don't think they can handle having two teenage foster kids. They already have one teenager at home."  
Lovino swallowed hard. He knew what this meant. Feliciano was being taken from him too. "No!" Lovino snapped. "You're not taking my fratello from me!"  
He hugged Feliciano close. They couldn't take him. They couldn't take the last of his family!  
"Sweetheart, this is what's best for him," the woman said softly. "Don't you want him to have a nice family taking care of him, even if you can't be there?"  
Lovi finally let go of Feliciano, and stormed out the door. He didn't want to admit that the bitch was right. He sat out in the garden he found for a long time. Finally, when it was getting dark, the woman came out with a man and another woman behind her.  
"Lovino, these are going to be your foster parents," she said.  
"I don't care," Lovino said. "I wanna stay with my brother."  
"Feliciano is staying with a family in Germany," the woman said. "I've already explained that you can't go with him."  
Lovino glared at her. "Shut the fuck up!" he yelled. "Don't send him to the potato bastards then! Actually put some effort into finding someone who will take both of us, instead of shipping us off to the first unlucky fuckers you can find!"  
The woman glared at him. "Lovino, you may want to watch your language, especially when speaking to your elders," she snapped.  
"Yeah, I know, gotta be nice to the old people," Lovino snapped.  
The woman glared at him. "If you don't change your attitude, you'll find that not many foster homes will put up with you for long."  
"Um, can we speak with you for a moment, in private?" the woman who was to be Lovino's foster mother asked.  
"Of course," the woman who Lovino had come to think of as The Bitch said.  
They went back into the house, and several minutes later, Lovino watched as a car pulled out of the driveway and sped off down the road. They just couldn't wait to get away from him, could they?


	3. Chapter 3

In three weeks, Lovino had been passed from five different foster homes. Some decided they couldn't handle him because of his attitude, others his language, but each family eventually kicked him out without fail.  
Lovino knew that this next family would be the same. The only thing that would change is what country he was being sent to. Before it had been three homes in Italy, one in France, with a creepy blond man who looked at Romano like he was something to eat, and Germany, with a strange man who insisted he was a Prussian, and in fact, awesome. Don't forget the kesesese.  
Lovino didn't even need to pack his things. They had never been unpacked at this last house. After getting kicked out of the first house after one day, he had given up on unpacking. It made it take longer to leave.  
Finally the Bitch came to pick Lovino up, and uproot his life once more.  
She gave him a friendly smile, but it fled her face when he returned it with a deadly glare.  
She drove him to the airport and had to take him through security and make sure he got the right gate.  
Lovino didn't bother saying goodbye. He'd see her again soon enough anyway. After these people gave up on him, it will have been six. The only difference with this family was that they had a son named Antonio. But Lovino wouldn't make friends. He knew he couldn't lose anyone else. Better to live his life all alone than lose his loved ones once again.  
Lovino sighed as he sat and waited for the okay to board his flight. Finally they called for passengers to board, and he got on. He leaned his head against the window, waiting for the plane to take off. He'd been scared of planes before he'd ridden one to go to France, but after having gone on quite a few of them now when he was switched between homes, his fear was nearly completely gone. His heart still beat a bit quickly in his chest, but he tried his best to shove the fear down in the same prison he had confined his other emotions to.  
Lovino finally looked away from the window as the plane began to move, closing the sliding door to block out the view that would break his resolve as they ascended into the deep blue of the sky. He closed his eyes, leaning his head against the headrest. He drifted off to sleep before he realized it.  
Lovino woke up with a start as the plane jolted, landing a bit rougher than usual. He flipped open the window shade and saw an unfamiliar airport. This must be Spain.  
When he got off, he went to find his luggage and instead found a family standing before the luggage area, holding a sign that said, "Welcome to Spain, Lovino!" He sighed as he walked toward them. They wouldn't be so welcoming once they got to know him... The family smiled at him, and one smile in particular made his heart leap. His shaggy brown hair and smiling green eyes were adorable. Lovino shook his head, scowling. No, he couldn't be thinking that.  
The only person Lovino was honest with about this topic was himself. Not even Feliciano knew that Lovino was actually gay. Lovino himself barely knew it. He had only admitted it a couple of months before. But that didn't matter. He was never getting married or even dating. He wouldn't allow himself to lose anyone else. And everyone died. So he'd just be alone. That was fine with him.  
His scowl was returned to him with smiles, and introductions. "Hola, me llamo es Josefina, my husband is Alejandro, and this is our Antonio," she said, smiling. "Now, let's go. I have a wonderful dinner prepared for us!"  
When they got to the house, Antonio showed him to his room. "Feel at home, Lovino!" he said with a sweet smile.  
Lovino looked away, his cheeks red. "Whatever," he snapped.  
Antonio sighed. "Well, dinner is ready. I think we're having tacos. And there's going to be churros for dessert!"  
Lovino shrugged. "Spanish food probably sucks," he said. "Pasta is better."  
Antonio held his hand to his chest and gasped. "That is too far!" he teased. "No tomatoes for you!"  
"Tomatoes?" Lovino said, hopefully. He suddenly remembered that he was supposed to be rude. The ruder he was, the less people would try to get close to him. "Doesn't matter, I can find tomatoes somewhere else. Tomato bastard." Lovino wasn't quite sure where the name 'tomato bastard' had come from, but he liked the sound of it.  
"Aww, Lovi, you can eat some of my tomatoes," he said, smiling.  
Lovino stiffened. No, anything but the name his mother had called him. He practically bristled as he yelled, "Don't call me that, tomato bastard!"  
Antonio gave Lovino a funny look, one that almost appeared hurt to Lovino, and then walked out. Lovino shook the worry from his head. No. He didn't care about Antonio. So what it he was extremely good looking? There were plenty of other hot men in the world. Besides, Lovino had already decided he wasn't going to get married. He'd never let anyone else into his heart. He couldn't lose them. So, he steeled his resolve, made sure his eyes showed all of his anger, but none of his loneliness, and walked out to have dinner with his new family.


	4. Chapter 4

Dinner was an awkward affair. At first, Antonio's parents kept trying to ask Lovino things about himself, but soon stopped when they realized that he wasn't going to give them many answers further than, "Yes," or, "No," or, "I dunno."  
So the table fell into silence. Lovino knew by the anxious glances exchanged between the two adults that this would be one home he wouldn't have for long. Just like all the others.

* * *

When dinner was finished, Antonio showed Lovino where the bathroom was so he could get a shower. Lovino stood in the shower for a long time without doing anything, just standing there, letting the scalding water pound down on his back. He had turned it on full heat so he could at least feel that. He didn't want the emotional pain, but this would distract him. Lovino could think of a few other things at the moment, but the thought of the therapy that would follow if he was caught cutting himself was enough to discourage him for now.  
He was supposed to be seeing a therapist, but he didn't feel like it. What could some bastard with thick glasses and a monotone voice do to help him? Lovino knew he had to do this himself. He could no longer rely on everyone else to take care of him. When they died, he'd be left alone again. Best to always be alone than be abruptly forced to be once more.  
Finally Lovino finished with his shower and stepped out. When he stepped into the hallway wearing a pair of sweatpants and no shirt, he saw Antonio. By the amused smirk as his eyes wandered the younger boy's body, it seemed he was...checking Lovino out. No way, he wouldn't check him out. Lovino had assumed Antonio was straight, and even if he was gay, he'd never go for someone like Lovino. Someone broken.  
Lovino walked past Antonio to his room, feeling the slightest comfort at seeing his familiar things. A few things had been salvaged from the fire. Such as his phone, and a teddy bear that his mother had kept in the front entry way as decoration.  
When Lovino turned around, he yelped at the proximity of the Spanish boy. "What the fuck are you doing in here, tomato bastard?" he yelled.  
"I came in to tell you that you should go to sleep, cause we have to get up early tomorrow," Antonio answered, with his usual friendly smile.  
"Why?" Lovino asked. "I don't wanna get up early!"  
"It's the first day of school, my little tomato," the spaniard said.  
Lovino scowled. "I don't wanna go. People will try to talk to me. And I don't want their pity," he snapped.  
"But what if it wasn't pity they offered, Lovino?"  
"That's all it will ever be again," was the only response.  
Antonio sighed and walked out of the room, leaving Lovino alone finally. Lovino laid down on the bed , burying his face in his arms. He was the broken, scarred foster kid. What the hell did Antonio know about that? He had his family still. He didn't have a stupid as fuck temper always getting in his way. Lovino felt something wet slide down his cheek and realized he had started crying. He swiped the tears away harshly, scolding himself. No, he would be strong. He wouldn't let in. Life had already fucked him once, he wouldn't lie down and let it keep happening.  
Lovino did, however, lie down at that moment, but that was just to go to sleep.  
While Lovino slept, his newest foster parents had a very important discussion.  
Josefina sat on the bed while her husband was shaving in the bathroom, the door left wide open. "Honey, I don't know about this Lovino kid... He seems...unpredictable. And he's so rude. I just don't know if I can handle it..."  
"Antonio was just as bad as Lovino," her husband replied. "Don't you remember?"


	5. Chapter 5

"Lovi~ It's time to wake up," came an extremely annoying voice. "We've got school today!" Lovino grunted in response and lashed an arm out, feeling a grim satisfaction when Antonio groaned as it hit his stomach.

"I'm not going to school, tomato bastard," he snapped. "I don't want to."

"Come on, Lovi," Antonio said. "You can meet people today and make new friends! You're going to want to make friends if you're gonna live with us."

"I'm not going to be here for long," Lovino snapped. "I've gotten used to the fact that nobody wants to try and handle me."

"Lovi, my parents can handle problem children," Antonio said softly. "They've done it before..."

"You and your parents don't know anything about my problems!" Lovino snapped, finally getting up, just so he could get away from that bastard. He grabbed a shirt and a pair of pants that he didn't bother glancing at, and stormed off to the bathroom. He got dressed, and when he looked up at the mirror was shocked with his appearance. His expression could be described as "deer in the headlights," and his hair was unkempt and messy. But that god damn curl still didn't blend. He had bags under his eyes. To sum it up, he looked like hell.

He turned away from the mirror. He had been trying to push them away. He didn't want to get close to any of these families. Everybody always loved Feliciano better than him. It was proven in how he had been put in a home in Germany first, right away, and had stayed there this whole time. Lovino had been passed from home to home, and knew that nobody would want him. It was only a matter of time before Antonio realized that Lovino wasn't worth the effort. Then he would give up, and Lovino would be alone again.

He sighed and grabbed a hairbrush, deciding to at least try and tame that mess on his head. After a while, he finally managed to look presentable on the outside, and he stepped out of the bathroom. He saw Antonio waiting there. The older boy stared for a moment. "Aww, Lovi, you're so cute when you brush your hair!" he said.

"Shut up, tomato bastard," Lovino snapped, feeling his cheeks burn red.

The next thing he knew, the Spaniard was poking his cheek and saying, "Aww, you look a tomato, Lovi!" Lovino smacked his arm.

"Shut up! I told you not to call me that!" the angry Italian snapped.

With that, they went to school. It wasn't quite as bad as Lovino thought it would be. It was worse. Rumors had spread, and they were nasty. They ranged from saying that he had killed his own parents, to saying that his parents started the fire because they didn't want to live with such a disappointment as a son.

The worst part came when Lovino was opening his locker, and several dildos fell out. On the inside of the door someone had painted "Heard you like it up the ass!" Lovino froze and stared at the mess on the floor for a moment, shaking. Then he turned and ran. He didn't care where he was going, he just wanted to get as far away from the hell they called a school.

Finally he ended up alone in a park, sitting on a bench with his arms wrapped around his knees. He couldn't hold back the tears that started falling down. He was pathetic. He should have been the one who died. The fire was his fault, his parents should never have died.

Lovino moped for a while longer before he finally got up and started walking back to his foster home. As he made the journey, an art store caught his eye. Feli had always been good at art, but Lovino sucked compared to him. But it wasn't the artistic prospect that compelled him to push open the door and wander in. Art stores generally had razors, right? For certain projects one might need a razor or two. Lovino had heard of people cutting their wrists to help with the emotion pain they had to suffer. Finally he found the shelf that was home to the razors, and reached out to grab a box. Anything would be better than the hell he was living through now.

* * *

I am so so so so sorry about how late this is, and how short as well. I've been going through a lot of shit lately. Anyway, I'll try to upstate this and my other stories more often. Review for love!


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